what kinda SHIT is this

after i ate lunch and was going into the bathroom to brush my teeth, the nurse who fills my anodyne machine called me and said she was at my apartment and she needed someone to let her in the apartment. so i walked to the front door and let her in the apartment and she said surprised, "IF COURAGE KENNY SEEN YOU TODAY! YOU SHOULD GO BACK THERE ONE OF THESE DAYS TO SHOW THEM THE PROGRESS THEY MISSED OUT ON! YOU'RE DOING SO GOOD!" then i said, "heh.. they'd probably ignore all the progress i made, JUST LIKE WHEN I USED TO GO TO COURAGE KENNY because i don't have any advocacy to recognize my PROGRESS. i have better things to do." then the nurse laughed a little and said, "yeah i guess." people don't seem to recognize exactly how much DAMAGE it does to my mental health when people ignore and disregard EVERYTHING i've done and how far i've came. over TWENTY THREE YEARS ago, i was laying in a damn coma. i rehabilitated to become ambulatory again- THANKS TO TRAM HOLLOWAY. he actually had confidence in me to walk again and didn't discourage me from truly progressing because of "liability". IF LIABILITY WERE CONSIDERED IN EVERYTHING- DOCTORS AND THERAPISTS WOULDN'T HAVE JOBS. chances and risks NEED to be taken in order for a person to PROGRESS in life. you're just taking advantage of people IF you ignore EVERYTHING they've been through and EVERYTHING they did for themselves to get where they are. i used to get A's and B's in school. i made the A honor roll every semester before my car accident. i was in sports WHEN I WASN'T WORKING TO PAY FOR MY CAR (which my grandpa told my grandma to pay the rest of after my accident). i didn't drink or smoke. i didn't party. i was a regular melvin. BUT SOMEHOW I'M EXPECTED TO DOWNGRADE MY GOALS FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF UNSUCCESSFUL PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE MISERY LOVES COMPANY. GO SCREW YOURSELVES. i'm almost positive that amanda downgrades my progress and makes sure everyone knows that my job is just a volunteering position- so i don't deserve any respect or admiration because I'M NOT GETTING PAID FOR IT! I'M A HANDICAPPED IDIOT ON SOCIAL SECURITY WHO IS ONLY CAPABLE OF GOING TO COURAGE KENNY AND DEPENDING ON SCRAPS FROM THE GOVERNMENT! I SHOULD BE MORE GRATEFUL! RIGHT CATHY?! AT LEAST I GET SOMETHING! WHEN I'VE WENT THROUGH MORE THAN WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO GET WHERE I AM BUT I CAN'T PROGRESS TOO FAR! RIGHT AMANDA?! THAT'LL MAKE YOU LOOK LESS ADEQUATE! I'M JUST A CRAZY, STUPID HANDICAPPED GIRL!!! HOPE I'M ENTERTAINING YOU ALL BECAUSE THAT SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY LOGICAL REASON WHY YOU'RE REFUSING TO TRULY HELP ME! i don't deserve everything i have! I SHOULD BE MORE GRATEFUL.